Our final blog from Guatemala

¡Ola! Yes, Em and I are now fluent in Spanglish. So much so that Em was approached by an American lady with the introduction: "So, you´re fluent in Spanish then?" Needless to say this facade was achieved by both of us nodding enthusiastically at our tour guide speaking very slow Spanish, understanding about every fourth word or so...

Righty, and so to the final report. Since Cobán we´ve been herded onto numerous gringo-friendly minibuses and headed south to Antigua. Far from it´s namesake´s tropical beaches Antigua is a bustling city dating back to when the Spanish first settled here. As a result there are numerous crumbling buildings brightly painted in the Catelan style nestled between pleasant piazzas and cobbled streets- a very nice place to finish our trip.

But of course, being intrepid travellers, we weren’t going to stay put in Antigua for a week- we left our big rucksacks with our hotel and headed west to Lago Atitlan. Now this place is incredible. Seriously. Perched between three verdant volcanoes, this highland lake is absolutely beautiful. Clear, blue water laps up against the edges of several small towns all offering their own special tourist-friendly delights with our first stop in Panajachel (or "Pana" to the initiated).

Pana is also known as Gringotenango and is full of American ex-pats with their own stories to tell. A very busy place with a lot of children begging and hassling you for cash. Annoying to say the least. We decided to hot-foot it as soon as possible to the hippy-friendly town of San Marcos, and did so by boat (surprise surprise) taking a mere 30 minutes to cross the lake. If you could find a more holistic, chi-cleansing place I´d be very surprised. This place has it all- yoga, massage and meditation- so we did our best to try our hand at all of the above and managed a two hour yoga session and an hour of serious meditation. (I should at this point mention our friend Ian from Laandan who joined us in our hotel and came along for the above "cleansing experiences". Ian lived in Ipswich for a good few years before moving to London and knows Woodbridge well- talk about a small world!)

Meditation was classic. We arrived outside a large pyramid about 40 feet square made out of wood and slate surrounded by a cluster of European grungy types ready for some "connecting". Our meditator-in-chief was wearing white robes and more beads than Gandhi. She scowled at us to ensure that only ourselves and no bags or shoes come in to the sacred pyramid ("Is CLEAR no?") and we followed her in... Inside the pyramid were a number of burning candles and a small pyramid in the middle covered by a red cloth. On assuming the lotus position (seriously!) she withdrew the cloth with a flourish to reveal a crystal ball underneath (apparently representing our planet and later used to transfer our love and good feelings to the rest of the world...) Anyway, the meditation was very relaxing but bloody painful- it´s really very hard to sit cross legged for an hour without the blood getting cut off to your legs and your back aching. It´s also very hard to keep conscious thought out of your mind, especially after Ian let out a very loud snore from his corner of the room!

Yoga was another karmic treat. This was led by another very supple lady who apparently had tendons made of elastic. Again, sitting in a circle we were made to perform painful and nigh-impossible maneuvers. I even impressed myself when I was able to balance only on my hands with my knees on my elbows. Em got round this by breaking into an impromptu headstand much to the amusement of the group. During this session we had a chance for a lie-down whereupon the yoga teacher whipped out her recorder and started playing something from "Panpipe moods". I tried my utmost not to laugh out loud...

Our next stop for the remainder of our lakeside jolly was the Hotel Casa del Mundo. This hotel has been slowly constructed on a steep cliff on the shore by and American and his Guatemalan wife. This place is seriously cool. Hammocks strewn everywhere and a bathing platform at hand kept us amused for hours as we soaked in the bright sun and clear blue water. The only detractor was that there were 178 (large) steps between our room and the water´s edge!

On our return, we got speaking to a very nice lady who went there 13 years ago and only once returned to the US to sort out her affairs! She said that if you swim in the lake, you´ll never leave. Let´s just hope that she´s wrong and the fog at Heathrow eventually clears!

On our final day we decided to climb up an active volcano. As you do. As we clambered the 3kms to the top, we were greeted by the sight of a steaming crater and streams of lava running down the hillside. Needless to say that the lava has now developed a thick crust but the occasional pop and hiss emanating from below kept us on our toes. The trip culminated in our guide inserting a stick into a crack in the crust and extracting it burning fiercely. It´s also great fun pouring water down the hole covering half the group in ash and tepid water!

So, here we are in Antigua once more. Since it´s been such a hard three and half months, I decided to top things off with a full body massage. Em´s still in her 3 hour pedicure and manicure- well worth it for a combined 20 quid.

Favourable exchange rates and dazzling scenery aside. Christmas songs just don´t sound the same in Spanish- we´re coming home!

You'd better Belize it!

Belize is a mixed up kind of place. With no real predominant caste or colour and a corrupt government it makes for interesting systems and beliefs. Take, for example, their policy on imports: The mantra goes "If we can make it in Belize, we don't import it (but if you've got a load of cash, we can bend the rules, of course thankyou yes please)." There is a trade embargo on beef because you can grow beef in Belize, however Coca-cola somehow manage to import their drinks here even though there's plenty of Belizean drinks on offer. This might have something to do with the fact that Coke owns a significant portion of the orange groves here and the sole distribution rights to said company being owned by one of the four families who run the country!
In the absence of competition, this has led to hugely inflated prices in the country with, for example, room rates being around eight times higher than neighbouring Guatemala. When you look at what you get for your money, it's surprising that the whole country doesn't up root and leave or revolt.
Alledgedly the current government will certainly not be re-elected next year, so they introduced a 10% sales tax to line their pockets before the off. (Harsh you might say, but if you've seen the state of the roads and buildings here you'd understand!)
Aside from this, the people do seem to be genuinely happy here. This is reinforced by the number of ex-pats here (mainly from the US) who, to be fair, are all a little quirky.

Having endured the 'eye-incident' we headed south to Punta Gorda where we enjoyed a little eco-tourism. After getting dropped off by the bus in nearby Santa Cruz, Em and I looked at each other and laughed out loud. With no accommodation arranged, we had truly been dropped in the middle of nowhere- a small village with a few grass huts in the middle of the jungle. Oh- and there's only 3 buses a week that go through it!

We were welcomed into a nearby hut by the Sho family who said they'd 'take us' for the night. Now Mopan Mayan families differ to our own slightly- Marcos and Conceptiona (seriously) live with their EIGHT children and numerous grand-children in a small number of huts with reed roofs and dirt floors. Hammocks are the order of the day for sleeping which are strung up just about anywhere there is space. The houses had only one or two 'rooms' in them and were surrounded by chicken huts, pigstys and the obligatory donkey! I don't even want to discuss the toilet arrangements... let's just say maggots, spiders and flies.

Needless to say we had a truly eye-opening experience. The family were incredibly friendly and accommodating, serving up three hot meals a day largely consisting of freshly slaughtered pig, rice and non-descript sauce. Whilst tasty, this wore a little thin after the third meal!

Evening entertainment consisted of the village men convening at one house with a generator (no electricity here at all) hooked up to a television with DVD player. Em and I were subjected to a pirate Bruce Lee film with no sound, though this did not pose a problem to any of the small group there- they just wanted to see the fighting and general action- the plot was clearly not essential to their enjoyment!

Marcos (the grand-daddy and general household boss) took us for a tour of their farm- several acres of rainforest that are continually worked from dusk till dawn to produce corn, beans, rice, plantain (my new bestest food) and bananas. Each part of the farm had been divided up and given to each son accordingly. The women, meanwhile, washed the clothes in the river, cleaned the dirt off the dirt floors (?!) and prepared food for the hungry workers.

We spent the afternoon teaching their youngest son, Jonathan, to juggle who learned in about ten minutes (it took me several months) - a smart child - too bad he'll inevitably come out of school and work the fields for the rest of his life.

To quickly give a picture of family life, they rise at around 3.30am and bed time is around 7.30pm. This allows them to get to the fields for first light after a breakfast of either rice and pig or tortilla and pig...! Alarms clocks not required of course - their cockerill wouldn't shut up from about 3 o'clock onwards. After two nights with the Sho family, we exhaustedly waved goodbye after many conversations about Osama bin Laden and Tony Blair.

Next on the agenda was Hopkins, a small fishing village apparently built on one road and stretching two miles from top to bottom. I think the town planners were having a day off when they thought about this one! We spent an enjoyable two nights with Oli (an ex-pat German) who welcomed us into his beachside cabanas (huts) with all the windsurfing facilities you could shake a stick at. Unfortunately we'd forgotten to bring enough cash, and with no Visa facilities and no ATM we were royally screwed! The windsurfing will have to wait for another day, but luckily their darts board came in handy.

We are now in the west of the country perched on the border with Guatemala ready to embark on our trip to Tikal, a famous Mayan ruin. More to follow. Before that however, we have signed up for a trip into a Mayan sacrificial cave where you have to swim and trek through the jungle to see the remains of a human sacrifice dating back to around 200 BC. Yesterday was spent kayaking through the jungle, although the limited experience of our guide somewhat detracted from the experience! Guide (pointing): "Over there- iguana," Us: "What kind?" Guide: "Yes, yes." Excellent.